Breathe
by SopheroniPepperoni
Summary: "People expect me to make these huge life-and-death decisions, and then walk away and move on to the next mission. But I can't do that. I can't do this." She shook her head. "I can't." -Wherein Sara and Liam deal with the aftermath of "Hunting the Archon". Slight spoilers.


A/N: wasn't really satisfied with the post-mission interaction between Sara and Liam after "Hunting the Archon," esp. if he's romanced and in your squad. Also wanted to explore the Pathfinder dealing with insecurities the game only briefly touches on. Hope you enjoy!

Minor spoilers for "Hunting the Archon".

* * *

How did it all go so…wrong?

Sure, finding the salarian ark had been a success. Finding Pathfinder Raeka alive had been a bonus, all things considered. And finding Meridian's location would invariably help, even if right now she wasn't exactly sure how…

So why did she feel so dreadful?

Sara prided herself on usually being a logical thinker. Sure, she could be impulsive in the heat of the moment, but she usually wasn't one for self-pity. After returning from the Archon's flagship, she had tried to hold it together, feeling particularly unsteady, emotionally. It had seemed like as soon as she had stripped her armor off and stowed her guns that the enormity of what had just happened —of what she had _allowed_ to happen— sunk in.

With a smile pasted on her face, she had made the usual rounds, desiring a sense of normalcy for the rest of the crew. Kallo was ecstatic and relieved, understandably. The rest of the crew had largely positive reactions to the latest mission, with the notable exception being Drack. Sara could certainly understand the old krogan's ire and pain at losing the scouts —especially with the recent discovery of krogan exaltation. She knew that, had she been in his place, she'd feel the same, wanting to shut the offending party out with the patented Ryder Cold Shoulder.

But it still hurt. After everything on Elaaden…

She just hoped that time would heal her bond with the cantankerous krogan.

Her door swished open, and she jumped from the bed, jarred from her thoughts. SAM hadn't alerted her to anyone approaching, and her features failed to rally into her usual cheery expression as she registered Liam walking into her room.

As usual, he had that goofy grin on his face; when he saw her drawn features, however, his breath rushed out in a sigh, nearly drowned out by the sound of the door closing. He stopped in front of her, searching her face; Sara ducked her head before he could see the already-drying tear tracks lining her cheeks.

A warm hand found her chin, and suddenly he was crouching in front of her, his warm eyes searching hers. "I meant what I said, earlier. About filing 'emotional abuse' with HR." His voice was pitched low, to soothe. She wondered if he'd picked that trick up in HUST-1, or if he had always been a natural comforter.

Even though she'd heard it before, a sound somewhere between a choke, a sob, and a laugh escaped from her, and his thumb smoothed across her cheek. "That's a terrible joke."

He shrugged, sitting next to her on the bed. "Doesn't seem so much like a joke, now." His hand brushed against hers, letting her set the boundaries. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Something about the quiet gentleness in his voice undid her, and she scrubbed a hand against her eyes, her face screwing up again. She felt more warm tears run down her cheeks, and she made a frustrated sound in her throat. Her neck felt blotchy and hot.

"Hey, hey —take it easy, Sara." His arm settled around her shoulders, a warm weight anchoring her to his side. "Breathe. There you go."

A hiccough left her throat, and her face burned another shade darker, but after a few minutes she felt calmer. She let out a quick, watery laugh that tapered off into a sigh. "Sorry. I'm a mess."

His hand moved to rub circles across her back. "Don't apologize. You went through some crazy stuff. Hell, everything since waking up has been crazy. You just died, and had to decide between two shit options. Let it out, Sara."

She exhaled, her breath sounding shaky. Liam's words brought up that uncomfortable reminder, and she sat there, counting her heartbeats, reveling in the feeling of being alive, even though everything felt within her felt so raw, so painful. A few more tears leaked out, and she sniffed. What would her father say, if he could see her right now? SAM, blessedly, was silent.

"I don't feel qualified for this." Liam was quiet next to her, so she continued. "I'm the youngest on the crew, and I'm supposed to lead humanity to our new 'home'. People expect me to make these huge life-and-death decisions, and then walk away and move on to the next mission. But I can't do that. I can't do this." She shook her head. "I _can't_."

"I hear that, Sara. But I don't agree with you. Sure, you're young. But look at what we've been able to accomplish? The angara, uniting the krogan, activating all of those Remnant vaults and terraforming our supposed 'golden worlds'? All happened because of you." His free hand wrapped around hers, and she leaned against him. "Might be too recent of a reminder, but the Archon's logs mentioned your unpredictability and passion. You're human, Sara. It's alright."

"He said those things about all humans, not just me."

"Doesn't make it invalid, though. You're giving him hell, for sure." A pause. "If you're worried about Drack, I'm sure he'll come around."

"You don't know that."

"Sure. But I do know that whenever you go on missions together, he comes back less grumpy than when you left. And after all that business on Elaaden, you two are tight, for sure. Trust it. Losing the scouts is a blow for him, yeah, and you can honor his feelings. But you also have a friendship that runs underneath things."

She still felt fragile, her voice small. "We'll see. I wouldn't blame him, though." Her shoulders slumped a little more. Part of her hated that she had chosen the salarians over Drack's scouts. She knew she'd always carry that with her. How many choices had Dad made, and regretted?

She shook her head. "Let's talk about something else. I need a distraction."

"Sara-"

"Please, Liam." He sighed, capitulating, and she pressed closer to his side. "How are you holding up?" They hadn't really had a private moment to talk about SAM…well, _killing_ _her_.

A shaky laugh; he ran his hand ran through his hair. "We're doing this, yeah? Okay. Total honesty: I feel like shit." She couldn't come up with a witty response. "Did a number on me to see everything we did on that ship. But watching SAM stop your heart took the cake." It was her turn to comfort him, running her thumb across the back of his hand. "Cora kept talking, and it's okay, she's your friend, but I was silent, and I'm your—"

"I'm here, Liam."

"I know you are, I know. I haven't felt that angry in a long time. Or that helpless." He raised his voice, directing it towards the other end of the room. "Hey, SAM? No more killing Sara and then resuscitating her, alright?"

"Your concern is noted, Mr. Kosta. I will only stop Sara's heart if there is no other alternate solution."

"Not helping, SAM," Sara cut in with a gentle rejoinder. SAM fell silent, no doubt processing something from the exchange.

"I did what needed to be done." Sara gave Liam's hand a squeeze, and he squeezed her shoulder in return. "I'm not keen on having a repeat performance, either."

"Sounded like a Pathfinder just now, no doubt. Just…try to take it a little easier from now on, yeah? Take care of yourself, give yourself space to heal. I'll help, if you want." His voice sounded firmer by the time he finished.

Sara let out another sigh. "Lexi emailed me about that exact thing. Relaxing and taking care of myself. She recommended journaling. Taking out Kett is pretty relaxing, too, though."

It startled a bark of a laugh from Liam. "Pretty sure it's the opposite, but alright. Just take me along when you do; I could use some relief, too."

"You got it." They fell quiet, the hum of the ship surrounding them. Sara felt ensconced in a cathartic bubble, warm against Liam and all cried out. She'd probably have what Scott called "an emotional hangover" in the morning. "Liam? Thanks."

"Don't mention it. Happy to help, Sara, with whatever you need. I mean it."

"I know it."

She felt Liam smile against her hair as he placed a kiss on the crown of her head."No need to get cheeky."

Sure she did, to help herself feel normal. But she let her eyes drift shut as she leaned against Liam's shoulder, content for the moment to let herself _be_ and _feel_ and _heal_. It wouldn't come over night, but lasting strength rarely did.

It would be a miracle if destroying the Archon didn't destroy her first.


End file.
